Biohazards.
I’m supposed to tell a story about my nephew Ben. Last weekend at IKEA, Ben’s diaper overflowed, leaked out of his pants and then landed on the floor inside the store. My sister Fay hustled the kid to the bathroom to perform major damage control but had to leave the mess where it was. When she came back, IKEA employees had placed big yellow biohazard signs around the area. CAUTION. BIOHAZARD. IKEA actually has biohazard signs, probably for this very purpose.
In a related story about biohazards, my brother-in-law Neil is on a trip to Las Vegas with his friends right now, and as a gag they rented a Hummer-limo to be extra ridiculous in. “Show us the meaning of awesome, Neil,” said my sister Wency, “Show us.” Renting the Hummer-limo came with a major warning: do not vomit inside the Hummer-limo. Doing so results in a four hundred dollar fine that goes towards paying for cleaning up biohazardous material.
I think that’s the funniest part of both stories, the biohazard warnings.